


Allowed to be sad

by fullmoonmaple



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angry Yuri Plisetsky, Confident Katsuki Yuuri, Domestic Fluff, Established Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Family Feels, Fluff, Insecure Yuri Plisetsky, Katsuki Yuuri saves Victor, Lonely Victor Nikiforov, M/M, Victor ships Yuri and Otabek, Yuri is a prickly cactus, but also an adorable sweet kitten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 07:53:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16614929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmoonmaple/pseuds/fullmoonmaple
Summary: There are some things in this world most people would never believe, even if they find themselves eye to eye to them. For example, who would believe that Yakov Feltsman, the most grumpy coach in ice skating history, was actually a softie with a heart for romantic gestures? Who would think that sensual Christophe Giacometti was a really shy kid when he first started skating? Or, on top of all that, who would actually believe that Yuri Plitsetsky, the probably moodiest and most prickly skater ever seen, has a really bad crush on his fellow competitor slash first actual friend Otabek Altin?Most people would also think Victor Nikiforov managed the nearly impossibly task to coach Yuuri Katsuki, a great skater with even greater anxiety, to become one of best ice figure skaters. However, like so many things in this world, most people would never believe that it was actually Yuuri Kastuki with his panic attacks, his love for Katsudon and his adorable blue glasses, who saved the great skater Victor Nikiforov.





	Allowed to be sad

**Author's Note:**

> I´ve never meant to write a fic out of Victors perspective. To be honest, I always imagined to be a Yuuri-kind-of-person. Then I saw Victors perfect little smile like a mask and suddenly saw him sitting alone and very lonely in his apartment in St. Petersburg. This feeling really hit me. So I wrote a fic I never planned to write.
> 
> Unbetaed, unfortunately, and also my very first fic. Please let me know what you thought about it.

There are some things in this world most people would never believe, even if they find themselves eye to eye to them. For example, who would believe that Yakov Feltsman, the maybe oldest and most grumpy coach in ice skating history, was actually a softie with a heart for romantic gestures? Who would think that sensual Christophe Giacometti was a really shy kid when he first started skating? Or, on top of all that, who would actually believe that Yuri Plitsetsky, the probably moodiest and most prickly skater ever seen, has a really bad crush on his _fellow competitor slash first actual friend_ Otabek Altin?

Like most things in world, especially on the rink, Victor Nikiforov wasn´t as transparant as most people would think. He _did_ win five Worlds and five Grand Prixs as well. He _was_ already at the top of the figure skating world by the age of 16 and, of course, he _did_ coach Yuuri Katsuki to his great comeback from last to _awarded with silver and a new weltrecord_ at the Grand Prix in Barcelona. It seems, Victor managed the nearly impossibly task to coach a great skater with even greater anxiety, and helped Yuuri from crying in a restroom after failing merciless (even if Victor wasn´t actually there at this moment) to the top of the figure ice skating world. However, like so many intransparent things in this world, most people would never believe that it was actually Yuuri Kastuki with his panic attacks, his love for Katsudon and his adorable blue glasses, who saved the great skater Victor Nikiforov.

If Victor would be really honest to himself, he tried to hide this one thing really hard. He failed miserably.

 

 

As always, said Yakov Feltsman happened to be the first man noticing the change in Victor. It may be because Yakov had actually a really soft heart, especially for people he reckons to be family. It may also be because he had always seen right through Victor, even with Victors perfectly placed smile.

First, Yakov yelled at Victor a lot about becoming Yuuris coach, risking both his own and his protoge´s skating careers and managing to act the problably silliest move a skater under Yakov had ever done. Then, the yelling stopped suddenly. Funnily enough, it was just one of Victors honest smiles at Yuuri that seems to startle Yakov so deeply, that he forgets about being angry for one second. Victor was always proud at surprising people, but he didn´t think much about it afterwards.

Victor noticed the sudden change in Yakovs behavior only after a really weird situation: When he met his former coach at the next competition, Yakov simply _nodded_.

Nodded, as in _You are a coach like me and I respect that_.

As in _I respect your decision about training Yuuri_.

As in _Who is this man and what happened to the great russian coach Yakov Feltsman_?

Startled, Victor couldn´t stop beaming fort he rest oft he day. For the record, Yuuris perfect performance – even with a not so perfect triple axel – may also be part responsible for this.

 

 

The second person to notice something Victor refused to notice himself was Christophe Giacometti. It may be because Chris was always an sensual and especially observing person. It may be because Chris was one of Victors best friends after all and knew some of his habits better than he himself. Victor couldn´t tell.

It was one of these rare nights when Victor and Chris got really drunk, with Yuuri on a sightseeing/selfie-Tour with Phitchit, when said thing happened.

„In the last weeks I really started to ask myself if I should just move in with him. It would make things so much easier for both of us“, Victor sighs.

„But where would you live? In Japan? In Russia? Or all over the world?“, Chris jokes, but Victor senses the seriosness in his voice.

„Actually, I don´t really care“, Victor muses, „But somehow I really wish to stay at one place for once, having a real home, you know? We could get a really nice apartment and go for long walks with Makkachin. Of course, it has to be near a rink and it would be nice to be at the sea, too … What?“

During his loud thoughts he didn´t dare to voice before this night with the help of a littble bit of alcohol, Chris started to chuckle. Perplexed, Victor stares a his friend. An amused, but really warm and … relieved? Look meets him.

„Victor Nikiforov, figure skate legend and known for breaking hearts only with his ravishing smile, wants to build a home?“, Chris grins at him like he just discouvered the funniest thing he has ever seen, „You really must have grown up.“

Startled, Victor didn´t answer and the conversation soons shifts to lighter topics. But something deep in his head starts to rattle.

It was true, Victor was never one of these home-builders. Moving to Hatsetsu, Japan, wasn´t such a big deal for him as it would be for most of the population. Maybe it was because of his profession, for which he had to move around the world for thousands of competitions, photo shootings and meet&greets. Maybe it was because there wasn´t really somebody waiting for him in his so called home in St. Petersburg, except, of course, Makkachin, who Victor took with him to most of his trips around the world. But Victor never had, and especially never needed a home. Still, he kind of wondered why wishing a home means to be a grown up. After all, he turned 28 this year. Something in his mind though couldn´t forget the relieve in Chris´ look.

 

 

Maybe the weirdest day in Victors life was the day Yuri Plisetsky (or better: Yurio) noticed this _said-but-definetly-not-actually-here_ change in Victor.

Victor didn´t even try to find a reason why Yurio of all people noticed something so significant and yet so subtle. After all, Yurio was a really bad person when it came to socialicing. Especially when a certain Kazarkh ice skater was involved. This should actually be a hint for Victor that he wasn´t so intransparent as he thought. Or he people close to him just knew him better than he thought. Yes, he should definitely stick to this explanation.

After Yuuri and he found a new, absolutly amazing apartment in St. Petersburg, Yurio happened to come over treacherous often, as if he actually could stand Victor and his so-called Katsudon. Neither Yuuri nor Victor commented on Yurios visits, but it was quite funny watching the boy complaining about the pair on the ice rink on the morning and finding him asleep on their couch after a marathon of Victors „gross and stupid shows“ in the evening.

It was one of these evenings, with Yuuri still in the shower and Victor and Yurio relaxing on the coach, when Yurio discovered Victors background photo on his phone.

„ _Gross_ “, Yurio spats out and wrinkles his nose, but dont stop sneaking looks over Victors shoulders. Victor coulnd´t find himself be embaressed.

„Yurio, you have no idea how long I wanted a photo of Yuuri and me like this on my phone. I started to think I should take it as my profile picture, too. What do you think?“ Victor tried to shoot a teasing smile to Yurio, he really did, but it ends as a moonstruck smile. He surprises himself with that. He actually is rather good in expressing and especially controlling the feelings he wants to be seen. If he weren´t such a great ice skater, he could probably be an amazing actor.

„I don´t care what you do on social media. If you want to let the whole world know how much of lovey-dovey idiots you and Katsudon became, then nobody will stop you. As long as you leave me out of this!“, Yurio hisses and sounds alot like a really angry, but also really sweet kitten. He still hovers over Victor and watches him curious, though, so he can´t be too grossed out.

„Ah, but we have to be role models for you, Yurio!“, Victor answers with a gentle chuckle. He knows when to get a challenge.

„ _Eh_?“, Yurio sounds like near exploiding.

Victor tilts his head a bit: „Oh, you don´t think we noticed? Yurio, you are staring at your phone quite often. I came to think whether you also changed your background photo. I heard you and Otabek had a nice time when you did that trip on his motorbike. Come to think, I still have to talk to him about traffic safety …“

„You … YOU DON´T TALK TO BEKA ABOUT ANYTHING“, Yurio seems to be outraged, „Don´t project your midlife crisis on other people. Just because you look at Katsudon as if you´re starving, doesn´t mean normal people cling at somebody as much as you do.“

„Ah, but Yurio, Katsudon is quite delicious. You said that yourself“, Victor states innocently.

With that said, Yurio storms out oft he room. Victor is one hundred percent sure he will find the boy the next evening on their couch again, stealing glimpses to his phone, probably with an adorable photo of him, Otabek and his motorbike. And Victor is quite sure Yurio actually likes him and Yuuri together, even if he has a strange way to show it.

What is rather unpleasant are his word, though. Midlife crisis? What does that even mean? Wait, was that what Chris meant with having grown up? Did he age? Something in Victor really wants to check on the next mirror if he is balding. He has to surpress this thoughts.

Still, his mind knows what Yurio actually meant. But something in Victor is still refusing to admit.

 

 

Victor shouldn´t be surprised that after all Yuuri has noticed all this subtle, but so important changes in Victor, too. Changes, that Victor has _because of_ Yuuri and still Yuuri isn´t smug about it or tries to rub it in his face. He simply gives Victor the time to admit it to himself.

It´s after an especially hard and debilitating day of pratice, after a long talk with Yurio trying to convince the boy to be brave and talk with Otabek (because seriously, after Victor has seen Otabek Altins looks at Yurio he is _one hundred percent sure_ that Otabek returns his feelings) and after a lot of shouts and hisses from Yurio (Victor never ends to wonder how a sweet kitten-like boy can be so prickly), the whole day is crushing down on him. It´s something that happens sometimes to him after an especially hard day. But normally, he fights alone with his feelings and puts the lovely smile on, as soon as other people are around. This time, though, Victor couldn´t find himself to get that stupid smile back at place.

When Yuuri takes his face in his warm hands and looks at Victor with this expression in his eyes, everything starts to be too much and wonderful light at the same moment, too sad and surprinsingly freeing, too hard and wonderful relieving. The whole world is crushing down on him, but for the first time Victor is not alone with that. This thought is relieving and scary at the same time.

„Sometimes I wish he would just listen to me, one time in his life. Than I remember it´s Yurio and we love him for exactly that“, Victor tries to explain, but he knows it´s not really the reason he is so upset. Apparently, Yuuri knows, too.

„Sometimes people need time“, Yuuri murmurs and draws little patterns with his fingers on Victors cheeks, „Time to accept, to accomodate, to really get that it´s okay.“

First, Victor thinks Yuuri is talking about Yurio. Then he think it is about Yuuris anxiety about losing Victor or failing on the ice. But Yuuri keeps talking, haltingly, but still: „You know, I have seen you a long time in international television, in campaigns and on the podium. I always thought what a perfect life someone like Victor Nikiforov has to have. And you always had this happy little smile. When I think about it, I can´t really remember a time when you didn´t smile this smile. Maybe you just need to … be sad for a while. Just to know that you are allowed to do that, too.“

For a long moment, Victor just stares at Yuuri. It never occured to him that he should _let_ himself be sad. It wasn´t on purpose, but being sad isn´t exactly good for show busisness and it´s not something you really want to be anyway, so Victor wasn´t sad before he met Yuuri. He wasn´t happy, either.

„I´m not really sad“, he finally states. It is the first time Victor wants to slap himself because of the silly answer he gave. Still, Yuuri doesn´t seem to mind. He just chuckles and shrugs: „Okay. I don´t mind either way.“ Then, after a brief pause, Yuuri stutters: „I mean, of course I mind, but if you are sad, than you can talk to me. There is no need for that smile. Not that I have something against your smile, I love it, but …“

Victor stops this adorable rambling with his lips on Yuuri. For a long time, there is no need for words between them, except these little gasps escaping Yuuris lips.

 

 

It´s kind of funny, that everbody near him except himself noticed. Of course, they all voiced their approval in different (and in Yurios case maybe a little bit intimidating) ways. After all, Victor is still the same, except he is not.

For the people on television, for his fans and maybe most of his ice rink competitiors, he is still very much the same. But then, he changed very much, too. After all this time, Victor can finally smile a real smile, not that fake smile he wore everyday. After all these years it´s the first time Victor not only wants a home, but foremost has a home. For the first time, Victor actually wants to share his life completly with somebody else and is overly overthrown by that.

It is not only because of Yuuri. There is still his former coach Yakov Feltsman with his little, but so meaningfull nods, his close friend Christophe Giacometti with the long nights they share joking and talking and his prickly kitten Yuri Plisetsky with his loud complains sitting on their coach like a real family member (and, Victor muses, he kind of is). But after all, it is Yuuri Katsuki, japanese ice figure skater with a lot of anxiety, who happened to break not only Victors world record but also the walls he built around himself for a long time. So, Victor supposes, it´s right to say that Yuuri Katsuki saved the great Victor Nikiforov.

Who would have thought that.

**Author's Note:**

> I don´t know about you, but I would fucking love a family like Yuuri, Yuri und Victor.  
> Please leave a comment and kudos, if you like. Critic and thoughts are very much appreciated.


End file.
